托福写作部分试练文评改指导

　　Admittedly, to build a shopping center close home will take some noise at the beginning construction, but as the community numbers, we have to look forward for the further convenience. (Admittedly, the construction of a shopping center will make considerable noise, particularly at the beginning, but as a community, each citizen will have future convenience to look forward to.) (3) After careful consideration, it is not hard to draw the conclusion to welcome building a shopping center close to home.

　　II. Editorial Comments

　　1. Original: As far as I am concerned, there is a long distance between their homes and the shopping center, so a inside community shopping center appear important. Revised: As far as I know, the current shopping center is far from their homes, so a community shopping center would be important.

　　“As far as I am concerned”应该是“考虑到……”，而这里作者的原意是“据我所知”，所以用这个短语并不确切。appear important用在这里很奇怪。Appear一般是指表面上看起来是那样，但实际上并不是那样，用在这里意思刚好相反。

　　2. Original: For instance, the time I spend on the way to shopping, is more than an hour. Revised: For instance, it takes me over an hour to get to the shopping center.

　　当表达花多少时间做某事的时候，通常使用it takes…to do…的形式。一般不直接说the time… is more than an hour.

　　3. Original: Admittedly, to build a shopping center close home will take some noise at the beginning construction, but as the community numbers, we have to look forward for the further convenience. Revised: Admittedly, building a shopping center close to home will make some noise, particularly at the beginning of the construction, but as a community, each citizen will have the future convenience to look forward to.

　　close后面跟名词，必须用介词to联接。

　　noise一词不可以用take作动词

　　III.Alternative Expressions

　　A.The expression “as far as I know” indicates the speaker has an opinion or view based on limited knowledge. Example: As far as I know, his parents are paying for his education. Other ways to express this meaning:

　　(i) “based on what I know” – Example: Based on what I know, eating processed meat is unhealthy.

　　(ii) “to my knowledge” – Example: To my knowledge, it is better to sleep well before a big exam than to stay up all night studying.

　　(iii) “It is my understanding that” – Example: It is my understanding that Americans like to eat sandwiches for lunch.

　　B. The expression “in this case” refers to a situation that is different from one mentioned before. Other ways to express such a meaning:

　　(i)“under such conditions” – Example: C’mon, you don’t expect to be ready for the marathon. You haven’t been running for one month and are out of shape. Under such conditions, you won’t be able to finish.

　　(ii)“in this scenario” – Example: I do not agree withyourproposal and I would like to submit my own proposal for the president’s review. My proposal maps out a new plan. In this scenario, the company will certainly succeed.

　　C.The expression “on the contrary” signals an opposing idea from one mentioned before. Example: His straight A’s made him overconfident that he would be admitted into his choice university. On the contrary, however, he painfully found out that grades alone do not guarantee college admission.

　　(i)on the other hand - Example: On the other hand, I am not allowed to stay out past 1:00 a.m.

　　(ii)when in fact - Example: He thought he had passed the test, when in fact he had failed.