雅思大作文范文评析

一、雅思大作文4分范文评析

　　Topic:

　　Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

　　According to universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Therefore, this essay will show some reasons of argument for and argument against.

　　Firstly, I will discuss about two reasons of argument for to begin with universities should accept equal numbrs of male and female students in every subject because it will be balance of idea while studying. In general, there usually are different ideas between man and woman. These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. In addition, nowadays, the most societies become to accept ability of both in any way.

　　Secondly, I will discuss about one reason of arguments against that is some subjects not suitable for each other. for example, some subjects of sports such as weight putting. It is not suitable for female because there are different of body between male and female.

　　In conclusion, I agree with universities should accept equal numbers of male an female students in every subject. Moreover, it depend on what the subjects that the students want to study, they can choose by themselves because I believe that if the students like to study their subjects, they will do it well so that I strongly agree with this topic.

　　4分的原因：

　　首先，该同学在语法上的缺陷是致命的，多数句子都不符合英语句子结构的要求，如：These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Lead to已经是谓语动词了，后面再出现will happen就是错误的，要知道后一个动词需要采取去动词性质处理：This will lead to new ideas from different perspectives happening 其实这句话也很罗嗦，完全可以改成：This will lead to a wider variety of ideas.

　　另外一句： Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. 更是无法理解了， is, display, have 及accept 统统是动词形态在句子中出现，但又没有从句将这些动词分开，最终连成功解密过无数学生天书的我也不能理解他究竟想讲什么了。

　　非常不幸的是在中国庞大的考鸭军团中，有1/2以上的考鸭们写出来的英语句子与这位考生写的同样晦涩难懂。如果你的英语句子也存在这样的基本语法错误的话，我的建议是赶紧花上3-4天的时间解决这个问题，然后再move on到雅思写作上。

　　写作建议NO.1：Write in an English way, and make your examiner smile J

　　按照英文的语法句式写英文句子。

　　其次，这篇文章的论证逻辑混乱：第二段他想表达的是招同样数量的男女生的好处，第三段要写专业的不同会导致招收同样数量的男女生是不现实的，最后收尾段写道：最终我同意应该招收同样数量的男女生。从上面的两段看下来，最后一段要写的应该是partially agree with the topic 才对—如果专业有较强的性别取向性，那么该topic不成立;如果专业对于两性来说同样的，那么一半对一半的搭配是值得推荐的。

　　写作建议NO.2: Have your conclusion based on what you have expressed rather than what you have conceived.

　　你的结论来自你的文章内容，而不是你脑子中凭空构思出的。

二、雅思大作文5分范文评析

　　Band 5

　　Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

　　What knowledge and skills should universities provide has been argued for many years. Some people think that the true function of universities provide knowledge for their own purpose, but nowadays, more and more people point out that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills according to the workplace.

　　The first reason for universities should provide these knowledge and skill is the students’ needs. Obviously, the most of the students go to university purpose of is to get some knowledge and skills which could make them have the ability to get a job. If a university does not provide these knowledge and skills, the students might not get a job and they would be very disappointed. As a result, the university would lose its students.

　　Moreover, providing knowledge and skills needed in the workplace makes a university progress. The new skills and information always are initiated in the workplace, so focusing on the needs of the workplace the university could get sound strategies to do research and make it more modernization.

　　Lastly, providing these knowledge and skills could benefit our country which usually gives a financial support to universities. Having these knowledge and skills, students are more easy to get a job, and this can make our countries’ economy strong.

　　In conclusion, it can be said that providing the knowledge and skills which the workplace needs is every university’s basic function.

　　只能拿到5分的原因：

　　1、这个题目中有两方的观点：some 及others的，很明显这位考生在后面的论证过程中完全忽视了others的观点,都在一味地论证some 的观点的正确性，于是考官给出的评语是：it does not address all parts of the question.

　　写作建议NO.3：Do not neglect any part, or you will regret your mark.

　　不要忽视任何东西，否则你的分数会让你很伤心。

　　2、这位考生在连接词和复杂句型上都表现得不错，可是他太偷懒了，knowledge and skill这个词组一共用了9次，这种高频率的repetition让这位考生付出了比较惨重的代价，所以看者希望你们能够汲取这样的教训，多注意Paraphrase的练习。尤其是常考的考试主题所可能涉及到的高频单词更是要做好homework. knowledge and skill就属于top 3 的高频考题的教育类，所以这类的词汇一定是多多准备才对，如 expertise, conversance, instruction, competence, aptitude, technique, prowess, dexterity 都可以拿来替换这两个词。

　　写作建议NO.4：Paraphrase helps you parachute into a higher band.

　　改写能助你拿到高分。