【雅思培训-写作】写作跑题范文评析：孩子沉迷电视

　　It is true that a lot of children, from below 3 to high school, would like to spend time in watching a range of TV programs and videos. One of the most obvious reasons for this is that these are so attractive, vivid and touching our lives that the children who are curious cannot resist their temptation at all.

　　Some people, especially the parents, argue that this is very damaging. They probably begin by pointing out that their children who are limited in self-control and self-principle will easily take too much time in watching instead of being back to study after doing for a short while. In addition to this, it is well aware that the amount of violence and unhealthy pictures are filled with videos for some reasons. When children who are still simple watch too much amount without any correct guidance, some of them will easily break the laws in the realistic world by imitating the details of crimes.

　　However, others who disbelieve watching TV or video is bad claim that TV programs and the amount of videos can fully help children understand outside world or relax their stressful brains after intense study. Obviously, those who often watch TV have a wider range of knowledge and better understandings to our society than those who do not. All of this is beneficial to children’s growth and their future social life.

　　Overall, I would like to say that watching TV or videos are necessary for children who need knowledge and information, but the point is that parents must ensure their children not to watch too much or too long, and at the same time the Government should give a harsh warning to media with overuse of unhealthy contents.

　　1.

　　This/these之类的词明显不会用，指代不清;

　　attractive, vivid and touching our lives： 明显的并列结构出错;

　　开头段没有点明作者的观点或者作者要在文中的所做所为。只是简单的改写题目。