【雅思培训-写作】增强句子间的连贯性

文章的连贯和衔接是雅思作文四项评分标准中的一项，很多同学对这一概念感到很模糊，今天我们就以一位同学的习作来谈谈如何提高这一单项的得分。

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree? （2014.07.09真题）

有些人认为年轻人应当被要求至少在18岁以前接受全日制的教育。你在多大程度上同意这个观点？

Nowadays, education is one of the most important factors that determine our life.Some people argue that full-education should be made compulsory for teenagers under 18 years old. However, I am of the opinion that it should be discouraged. 

There is no denying that full time education is essential if one wants to live a high quality life. Good education will give him a well-paid job. (以下省略100字。。。)

Having said that, full-time education is an important factor of our life, but it is not the only one. (以下省略100字。。。）

To sum up, although teenagers who receive full time education are more likely to be successful, part time education can be applied to some groups of students.

原文：However, I am of the opinion that it should be discouraged.

分析：it 代词可以用于指代，但有时也会给人模糊不清的感觉。

修改后：However, I am of the opinion that this kind of practice should be discouraged.

然而，我的观点是，这种做法应当不被鼓励。

点评：这里使用“this kind of +名词”的结构，类似于中文的“这种…”，使指代更加清晰。除此之外还有，“this kind of behavior, this kind of phenomenon”(这种行为，这种现象）等等。

原文：Education is an important factor of our life, but it is not the only one.

分析：很多同学只会使用“however, but”表示转折，这里可以考虑用“while/although”（尽管，虽然”这类高级一点的连接词替换，这样句子就包含了从句，句子的复杂性提升了。

修改后：While education is an important factor of our life, it is not the only one.

原文：There is no denying that full time education is essential if one wants to live a high quality life. Good education will give him a well-paid job.

无可否认，如果一个人想要高品质的生活，全日制的教育是必要的。好的教育会给他一高收入的工作。

分析：原文的两句话隐含着因果关系，用because/as 表示原因，想必同学都已经熟悉了。可是当前一个句子已经是包含从句的句子时，再用“because”就会出现特别复杂而冗长的句子。要知道，雅思作文不是句子绝不是越长越复杂越好的。比如这里把句子改成: There is no denying that full time education is essential if one wants to live a high-quality life because good education will give him a well-paid job. 这种显然不太合适，出现了从句套从句的结构是基础一般的同学尤其要避免这样容易犯错的句子。 这里给同学推荐一个大家都知道却不太会主动使用的表达：“This is because”，类似中文的“这是因为…”

修改后：There is no denying that full time education is essential if one wants to live a high-quality life. This is because good education will give him a well-paid job.

无可否认，如果一个人想要高品质的生活，全日制的教育是必要的。这是因为好的教育会给他一份收入高的工作。

点评：相较于“because/as”这类句间连接词，“This is because”这种用法既避免了把两句话连接起来，又起到了在逻辑上把两句话的因果关系点出来的作用。

【老师介绍】

本文解析来自上海新东方英联邦雅思写作许珊老师。毕业于诺丁汉大学，主攻口笔译研究硕士。本科主修英语语言文学，获得国家奖学金，英语专业八级优秀，拥有扎实的语言功底，擅长写作和听力。个人喜好丰富，留学期间游历欧洲国家，熟知中西文化的差异。

感谢上海新东方英联邦雅思写作组  许珊老师提供原创稿件!