雅思大作文点评（一）

　　Since sports teams can’t make profit directly, they haven’t the privilege to use the money of the national budget. The capital that governments pay the fee of sports teams is the national revenue. If governments needn’t pay their fees, the funds can be used in other area, such as medical, education and infrastructure. （53w）

　　点评：第二段的内容写的比较简单，扩展的一般，内容不算特别充实，稍有重复之虞。且第二句的定语从句使用不正确，the capital是先行词，that是关系代词应该在后面的从句中充当主语或者宾语等成分，而此句that后面是个完整的句子就不对了。

　　注意：要想写作拿到7分以上，内容也是需要关注的。但是雅思大作文讲究的是内容充实，即论点后面有论证，并不要求同学们一味的追求内容深奥或者新颖！

　　However, the responsibility of the national sports team is to promote sports spirit and get honour which can’t be estimated by the economic standard. As long as they reach a great achievement in the international competition, the glory is not only belongs to a team, but also attribute to national citizens. If the team is ran by corporations or individuals, they are affiliated to a company or a person instead of a nation. (73w)

　　点评：此段内容比第二段好些，更加充实有力，然而语言关依然没有通过，还是有些低级的错误。结构倒是一贯地比较清晰。belong是没有被动语态的，run的过去分词依然是run。

　　On the other hand, governments have ability and fruitful resource to cultivate sports teams. Though many companies and individuals have ability and talents who can train teams, their power isn’t as strong as authorities. Authorities can supply the best apparatus and choose the most suitable coach and athletes from whole country even around the world. In addition, governments don’t consider the economic profit of it. On the country, companies probably won’t invest in training sports teams when they discover that they can’t gain benefit from it. (86w)

　　点评：第四段是让步段，即从反面角度来分析。内容还是比较充实的，然而稍有矛盾！因为on the other hand是“另一方面”的意思，一般是与前几段内容对立的。而纵观此段，貌似应该用in addition, furthermore开头更为合理些。红色部分依然是语言的错误，have the ability, the whole country, on the contrary。这些错误暴露了作者的基本语言水平还不够扎实。

　　To sum up, the national sports team is one of the symbol of a country. I advocate that authorities should invest in cultivating excellent sports teams. Though there are many obstacles, I am sure that we can conquer it by our efforts.(42w)（314words）

　　点评：第五段，即结尾段，一般是比较容易写的，重申观点即可，但不能照抄第一段已经用过的语句！人称方面有些问题，前面是说“country”，后面又变成了“we can…”，有些不统一。

　　总评：全文内容方面尚可，结构清晰，但语言虽有一定的多样性和复杂性，却时而有错。再三考虑，6分。

五、解决城市住房短缺只能靠政府？

　　Some people think the housing shortage in big cities can only be solved by the government. Do you agree or disagree?

　　In major cities, problem(可数名词前面既没有冠词，又是单数！避免这种用法，改成problems更好些) with housing shortage seems to have climbed at an alarming rate. So some people hold that the unique solution for（solution后接to） the problem depends on government action. To be frank, I’m in high favor that the problem of housing shortage is the responsibility of not only governments but also individuals and enterprises. （55words）

　　结构分析：2+1’的模式，最后一句正面提出了自己的观点。2句背景介绍句也写得不错。词数55个，稍微有些多，但即使这样也没有任何问题。唯一的瑕疵就是红色部分的问题，但是属于很小的错误，不怎么影响。

　　语言方面：由于语法错误不是很多（几乎没有），所以6分是可以保证的，关键是要拿7分以上的话，语言的多样性方面要求就高了！此段，作者这方面还是做的不错的，句型还是比较丰富的，所以起评分7分。

　　Like any else（和后面的句子连起来，总觉得很便扭！）, enterprises are in pursuit of maximization of profits, taking no consideration of the reasonable utilization of land(可以简洁地写成land utilization). Big companies and factories located in the city centre due to convenience in business exchange and transportation（这句话的谓语动词呢？！难道是located?那么应该是are located in）. However these gigantic companies and factories have taken up so many places on city(?) that there are few lands resources(名词作定语要用其原形，即land)  can be used in housing. (62words)

　　结构分析：1’+2模式，第1句是主题句。结构上就不多说了，因为没有什么问题。

　　语言方面：乍看之下没有什么明显的语法错误，但是仔细一分析，很多表达都可以改进一下，这就可能是更高一个档次所以考虑的问题了！虽然看上去改了很多，但是6分依然可以保证，关键就是看是7分还是8分。但是，看了这一段，看来8分是不太可能了，呵呵。。。